FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
