Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
