And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
