When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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