Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
