period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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