SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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