We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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