im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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