TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
