Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
