your thong is hanging out like whoa
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i now understand why vodka
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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