tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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