Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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