So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
