no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
