i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
