i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
