you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there was a trapeze. enough said
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
