So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
