My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
