Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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