you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize