I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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