If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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