A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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