went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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