Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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