Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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