your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
