the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
