Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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