Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
