mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize