Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
