My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
