Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
