Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
