i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
