i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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