i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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