Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
