He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I pour the whiskey from now on
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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