My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
