She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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