My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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