I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize