Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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