There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
