did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
