Plan B is the new Plan A
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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