too bad you live with your parents still
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I want a musical about memes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
