sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
