she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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