some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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