You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
