id be glad to
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
