So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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