Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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