You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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