OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
