I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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