I'm eating all of the evidence.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
