I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
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