There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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